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Jokes
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Every Cypriot Woman has at least One or more Derelict houses or pieces of land that they do not want, do not use and will never use, yet they will Never sell it or rent it out !! 
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How the Cyprus bailout plan will work It is a slow day in a little Cyprus Village. The sun is beating down and the streets are deserted.  Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day, a rich German tourist is driving through…
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The Greek bailout planIt is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.On this particular day, a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the…
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What can you do with a soldier .. that you cannot do with a policeman .... you cannot dip a policeman in your egg
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They make sure they install every possible option in their car, even if it is a Yugo
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Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives
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When everyone's surname is the same as their name "andreas andreou; stefanos stefanou; nikolas nikolaou; etc" makes the phone book a bitch
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When every cypriot is named after their grandfather or grandmother so you go in a public place and say eh re andreas!!! and five hundred of them look at you and turn round
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when the groups of cypriot kids are wearing clothing that MATCHES
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when limassol's tourist area if full of guys who think wearing jeans tighter than their girlfriends is cool
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when you land at the Airport and your phone tells you where you are
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Your alarm clock is your neighbours shoutin at eachother from across the village
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when u land at larnaca airport, and everyone on ur plane starts clapping
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when the church has to approve the minister of education.
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when the kiosk price sign says:
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when theres more cars than people are on the pavements
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when there are half finished buildings everywhere
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The priests drive either a pick-up truck or an Audi
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The church icons are covered in lipstick
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..your neighborhood kiosk (periptero) resembles a super market
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you know your in cyprus when your only two beer choices are keo and carlsberg
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it rains heavily for 2hrs and the streets are like rivers
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drivers toot their car horns for any reason imaginable
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drivers just stop in their cars in the road to have a chat
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even your 4-year old cousin can make a frappe by himself and drinks at least one a day
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You fight to pay the bill just so you could show off that you have a lot of money (even if you don't)
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You fight over who's going to pay the bill - but in reality you hate to pay
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when theres nothing 2 do at 3pm cos evry1 is asleep!
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u know ur in cyprus when girls stare at you up and down..
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when you dont need facebook to find out other peoples' business!!
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weddings are so big the guests have to come in shifts
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everyone has illegal copies of all computer programs installed on their computer
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Immigration checks consist of "who is your dad and what does he do"
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you can tell who a person is by looking at their car
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you've seen, touched, taken a picture with or fed a goat
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You were as tall as yiayia by the age of seven
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when someone close to you dies, you wear black for a whole year or more
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your yiayia owns the hens, that make the eggs, that complete your watermelon and halloumi breakfast
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you have a relative in every Village
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your yiayia has a picture of Makarios on the wall
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you cook food for a whole army when you have guest's over
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you get confused in a round-a-bout
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cats are to cypriots what pidgeons are to londoners: vermin.
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when everyone complains about whos gonna represent them in the eurovision song contest, but when it comes down it, everyone knows all the words and cheers like crazy when they perform
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your cheek still burns from when relatives pinch it with all their might
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people go to the beach at night
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people eat all 24hrs of the day
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even if youve got a computer at home, everyone goes to the net cafes to pay and use a computer as a form of socialising and to hang. and just, because
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your hairdresser has a degree in biology
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Your local hairdresser asks , 'ti les gia to sxedio anan;'
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You call everyone "koumbare"('best man')...and they probably are...
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Your next door neighbour cooks "souvla" all 52 Sundays of the year.
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The first thing a police officer asks you is "what does your dad do?".
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Police park on the pavement..to book you for a parking offence
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You text message whilst lifting weights
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You take a generator when camping (to supply your fridge, micro, TV!).
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Every 100 metres is a Periptero (Kiosk)
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Going to buy a newspaper needs at least a 10 minute make-up
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but put your airconditioning to 15C and still find it hot
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You walk around in jumpers when its 25C
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Talking sounds just like arguing

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